Day 51: Introspection

July 21, 2008

I had a nice calm class this morning. Nice and hot, perfect. Sheila taught, she’s amazing.

A friend asked me today if I’ve been taking care of myself since I’ve been pounding out all this yoga. I told him I have been taking good care and that not only did I feel amazing, but I felt the best I’ve felt in ages. Also, that I was the healthiest I’ve ever been. This is so true. I’ve been through so many changes the past few months and weeks sometimes it’s hard to nail them all down. But the overall picture of what’s going on with me physically, emotionally, and mentally is unbelievable.

When I look back at all that I’ve done and all the changes I’ve made I am forced to give pause to believing that this is all me. I am not alone in this endeavor. Nor am I alone in facing the challenges that lie ahead for me in Training. Another dear sweet friend Chan said that there will surely come a day when all those hands supporting me now will be carrying me. And that it will be in those times that I feel the most love and support.

But even with all the support; even with the hands carrying me through this process, the Challenge, Training, even just the day to day; I am reminded of another friend who says to me regularly that ultimately I alone must still do the work. Only I can do it. Those hands, those friends, my family, all beautiful and wonderful. All are vital and supportive and amazing. But at the end of the day, it’s me and the mat. I have to go through this to get to the other side.

I don’t know for sure what will happen in the next few weeks as I get ready for Training. I don’t know what it will feel like to flesh out the rest of these last weeks at home. I don’t know what it will feel like to finish my 90 days. The only thing I know is that each day I wake up I am grateful, humbled, and amazed. This is the person I’ve always wanted to be. And I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Namaste.

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