Eighteen

August 25, 2008

I have eighteen days left here before I leave for Training.  18.  Not so many days now.  I’m doing OK.  I have good days and bad days.  My practice has settled back into a normal (more sane) pattern.  I’m appreciating my days off quite a bit as I know they are limited, and in a few weeks will be nearly nonesistent.  But there I am again, I cannot live in the future.  I only have right now.

My dialogue is going well.  I’m nearly finished wth Triangle.  My goal all along has been to have the entire Standing Series memorized before I leave.  It looks like this will be easily done.  Finding time to study is challenging with the kids, and normal life, and praciticing.  But I have been working out some new ways of studying and as long as I give it a little time each day, it’s going along just fine.

I think I’m ready.  I believe I am.  I’ll begin the process of packing soon.  I have a little more on my list to do and get before I fly away, but the major preparations are behind me.  Now it’s the details, the small items.  I also will soon begin the process of saying goodbyes, having lunches one more time with friends, and preparing my sweet family for my absence.  It’s almost surreal how this has all unfolded for me.  Just six short weeks ago, I sat with Jen and Arnie and made up my mind over a Greek salad that I could do this.  That dinner feels like it happened decades ago.  I don’t even feel like the same person.  The transformation has already begun.

It’s happening, so fast.  I want to remember it.  Even days like this, sitting on my couch with my dialgoue beside me.  I hear the dishwasher running and the kids playing upstairs.  I am still here, but already there.  I want to remember how this felt so that when I come back, or even halfway through Training, I can still feel this feeling.  I want to remember it.  Even if it’s just a little.

Eighteen days will turn into sixteen, then ten, then five, then I’ll be gone.  I’ll be in Acapulco.  I’ll be in the huge yoga room with Bikram teaching me.  I’ll be listening and learning and missing and hoping and thinking.

I just want to remember, because yesterday and tomorrow can never feel like today.

Namaste.

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4 Responses to “Eighteen”

  1. christian Says:

    Knowing the standing series before you go will be worth a ton!
    Well done. Don’t stress out, it all changes when you get there.
    Just let it happen. Keep studying, try to get people doing the postures as you say them, it will help later.

    C

  2. Michelle Says:

    you’re awesome Karen. smart decision to learn the standing series before you leave…you’ll perhaps get some sleep while others are studying and stressing!
    michelle from vegas

  3. Michelle Says:

    You will be great, you yoga girl, can’t wait for you to teach that 5:30am that we love!!!

  4. Jess Says:

    Mama- when you are there- just be there. be selfish. be only you-there-for the 9 weeks. the more that you try to be back where you were- the harder you will make it for yourself.

    they will give you this speech when you get there- maybe craig gives it- but really – scary bcs what they say is classic text book-cult indoctrination;
    They tell you to disconnect, cut all outside ties- limit your communication with your old self/the outside world, to just be now and in this moment present at every second of the TT experience.
    scary to hear- but true.
    see you in class
    xo


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