Day 13: Weary

June 13, 2008

Sometimes it’s tempting for me to try to envision the entire Challenge. I want to map it out, plan it, and get it done. But today has been reminding me that doing that isn’t really the point of the Challenge at all. The Challenge is about daily, devoted, disciplined practice. It’s about letting go of our excuses and showing up, even when we want to run away.

I didn’t have a terrible class today. I have been sore lately. Bending forward in Pada-hastasana is becoming cumbersome. But once my body loosens up, I feel fine. I feel my spine opening up so much, and I like knowing that something is happening in the middle of all of this. Even though at times I can’t move very much, I know there’s something going on.

I am tired today. I’ve done a lot of yoga this week and I am just plain tired. My appetite is wavering between moments of feeling starving and the next moment feeling disgusted at the idea of eating. Jessica commented today in class that Bikram “never eats and never sleeps.” I am feeling a lot like that little Indian man today. But I know this is the process. And I am appreciating it. I really am.

My dear friend Sean reminded me the other day to “keep my own process in mind.” I didn’t fully digest this idea until today. Today I have to keep only my own process in mind because, well, that’s all I can manage. I do become tempted by taking on more, I do often ask a great deal of myself and my body. But for today, in my weariness, I am focused only on my one process. Just me. So Sean, your words were wise and I am heeding them, thank you.

Tonight I am going to rest, if I have to force myself to go to bed early.

Tomorrow will be a new day, a new class, and a new challenge for sure.

Namaste.

Did another Advanced today with Cynthia!! YAYY!! Moving on to class 13! Almost a quarter of the way home. I had a pretty good one today. It was really fun, engaging, and lighthearted. Didn’t feel quite as strong as on Sunday, but still rocking right along.

I’ve noticed a few strange things happening the past few days that I thought I’d go ahead and mention. One, my appetite is GONE. Totally gone. I can honestly say I haven’t really felt hungry in days. Probably since Saturday. I’ve been eating, still, knowing I do actually need calories to burn doing all these classes. But mostly it’s been salads and wheatgrass. Nothing exciting, just fuel. I tried to have some dried fruit and BLECH! the sugar made me almost want to vomit. So, just greens, and some juice for now. I am sure I’ll be ravenous once again, eventually.. you know, in the future.

Second change is WOW are my eyes dry. I wear contacts and even if I put them in right before class my eyes are so dry I almost have to remove them after class. This seems ironic to me seeing as how I am sweating BUCKETS in class. Maybe the heat/humidity dries them out?? No idea.

Lastly, and this is one of those “too much information” confessions – you’ve been warned, I am realllly unhappy that my skin is breaking out. UGH, it has to be detox because I was free and clear of any of these annoying bumps a week ago. And along the lines with skin annoyances are my poor feet. I got a pedicure today and the bottoms of my feet are so dry I think the woman wanted to run in fear. Sweat + carpet = Not good. Just saying. Also, since I’m sharing, the dry patches on the tops of my fingers are growing every day. Sexy right?? I know, and all thanks to this Challenge.

So overall, everything is great. I’m no worse for the wear. But I may need a dermatologist soon.. Just sayin’.

Keep on keepin’ on 😉