September 19, 2008
It’s FRIDAY!!! I cannot believe that week one is nearly over. Wow.
So, everthing anyone ever told me about this Training being a total roller coaster was right. It literally is moment by moment up one minute and down the next. I’ve seen some pretty deep lows this week and had some pretty high highs. This is GOOD! Am I right? Yes Boss!
Anyway, my classes are feeling a little stronger. I had quite possibly (what I thought) the worst class of my entire yoga career yesterday. What’s funny about it is that I thought the class I had Wednesday night was the worst. Get my point? But then last night I had a strong class with Bikram. I felt good, like I was floating. I’ve cried every single class since I got here but last night. There’s nothing wrong with that, I am certainly fairing better than many of my fellow students overall. But it’s hard emotionally. It’s all good, all part of this process I see opening up and as hard as it is, I am trying to let it go.
So people have been asking me, why do people collapse, vomit, pass out, etc, in the class here. There are so many reasons for it. And it’s not even just because it’s Training. Bikram Yoga is like a refiner’s fire. It’s the kiln, where you put your body to shape it, to mold it. When you put your body in the fire, the shit comes out. Whatever that means for you, it happens. Tears, nausea, vomiting, fainting, it’s all just the body purging itself of the crap we’ve done to it for however long we’ve been alive. One of our teachers said (I believe it was Jim Kallet) that the body NEVER forgets. Everything we’ve done to our body is still in our body. So you go into the room, the heat and the humidity, and you feel that purge. Let it go, this is good. Some of the students here are adjusting to the elevated humidity of the room (around 70%), others are coping with viruses, others are dealing with weak bodies, others are suffering emotionally. We all deal with it, in different ways. But what we learn from it is to get back to our mat, stand back up, and work. Every day, class by class, breath by breath.
I gave my dialogue for Bikram last night, and I nailed it. Felt awesome to be done with that. Just, you know, 23 more postures to go!
This place is becoming more and more familiar to me. I’m getting it why we have to let go and be here. I have enjoyed having this time already just to not worry, not think, just do. I’ve opened myself up, and I’m here. I’m also looking forward to the weekend when I can rest a little more, study, and maybe even go to the beach.
So, how’s my body doing? Overall, I’m doing great. No dehydration, no cramping (WOW). Overall, I’m just dealing with a slightly cranky digestive system (SOTBB), some fatigue, and my emotional junk. I’m grateful to NOT be vomiting, or leaving the room, or passing out. I’ve stayed on my mat, in the room, and that’s the goal. I’m taking care and eating well. So far so great. Even when it sucks, I remember how far I’ve come. I feel SO much new depth in my postures. Just this far in! I can’t wait to see how I feel in 8 weeks. I’m holding things, pushing things, and feeling stronger class by class. Thankful, thankful, thankful!!!
I had better be off to prepare for class. Can’t wait to write again this weekend. Namaste.
Well, after yesterdays whine-a-thon, today’s class was SO MUCH better. Of course, I know this happens. Have a bad class, have a good class, have a bad class… you get the idea. This is the life of day after day after day.. after day Bikram yoga.
I had the most lovely opportunity to take class with Miss Fabulous Cynthia Wehr.. Super Yogini Extaordinaire and former Bikram World Champion. She’s visiting us humble Texan yogis for a few weeks and lavishing her lovely accent and intense teaching style upon us. Oh how I have loved her class. Cynthia has a way of knowing everyone’s name and giving very personalized instruction, all the while leading the class in a graceful and encouraging way. So, as you can see, I love her class.
I decided today to NOT stand beside the stage and occupy my usual position. I just didn’t think I could take the “hot spot” today. And I had a very strong class. I felt amazing, and drank very little, much to my surprise. My yoga friend, Daren, had decided to do his challenge with no water during class. I salute him, but I am still hauling my water in. Even if I don’t drink it all.
Today’s lesson was, “Karen MUST learn to do Pranayama without backward bending.” I know this, really. The teachers say it over and over and over, “no backward bending, spine straight.” But somehow, when I drop my head back, I always seem to want to backward bend. So today I focused on this, spine straight, and found new room in my ribcage to breathe. It felt good, and I got a little bit lightheaded (GOOD NEWS!). See, I can learn!
Today’s a busy day in our family, but I am glad this class is done. As usual, the yoga has restored my faith in my practice. One day at a time..