Not-so-obligatory post.

November 13, 2009

I’m here.  Yet, maybe not.

Hi my name is Karen and I do Bikram Yoga.  I also teach Bikram Yoga.  Basically I live, eat, sleep, shower and dream Bikram Yoga.

I haven’t been bloggin’.  Sure you’ve noticed, right?  Haven’t you?  I haven’t been writing.  But I’ve been practicing, and I for sure have been teaching.  I’ve also been doing Aikibudo, but that’s for later on.  Let’s get back to the practicing.

Yes, practice.  Sri Pattabhi Jois says, practice and all is coming. I am no great interpreter of words, but I think he’s basically saying what Bikram always says, get your shit together and just do the posture.  Do the yoga, do the class, just do..  it.  Practice, practice, practice.

Is it really that easy?  Is it really as easy as showing up, unrolling the mat, and then doing..  it??  Yes, it is.  It’s just that easy.  Yo-ga is easy.  Asana, Pranayama..  it’s easy, right?  Maybe.  Some days it certainly feels easy.  Some days I’d rather stay in bed with a TV remote and a cup of hot chocolate.  Some yogini I am, right?

I find myself reflective this week.  Our studio just finished hosting a huge event, including the state yoga championships.  I was, well, involved with that.  I’ve had several amazing friends in town recently.  I’m also rapidly approaching my one year teaching anniversary.  The train is picking up speed on this whole yoga thing.  And when I look in the mirror, I still see someone I don’t quite recognize.  Who is that girl?  I teach with reasonable confidence, and I usually know every single person’s name in my class.  Who is that girl again??  So, I’m pensive all over again.

I’ve maintained a pretty darned disciplined practice in spite of the momentum of life.  My kids are growing up so fast, my husband is nearing the end of his Master’s degree, life is so good.  I love teaching.  The room is my refuge many days.  Whether I’m behind the mic or on the mat.  I just love it.  The yogini is still there.

Six months ago I started practicing Aikibudo. I have at my disposal an incredible sensei and we train twice a week.  It’s a long story, but the budo is such a part of who I am now that I can’t remember exactly what it was like before I was doing it.  The yoga practice and the budo practice compliment one another in amazing ways.

I’m grateful, that’s the bottom line.  I’m grateful and I have to laugh a little bit sometimes that I get away with having such a cool life.  I mean seriously??  Family, yoga, budo, friends..  That’s my life and my work?  Wow.

I can’t believe I’ve been teaching for almost a year.  I can’t believe I’ve been doing budo for six months.  I can’t believe that in general my biggest concern when I get up in the morning is how I’m going to juggle my practice(s) around my teaching job.

So when I get to my mat (either one) and I feel a little tired or a little grumpy, I’m drawn back to that gratitude.  I chose this life.  I chose to pursue yoga, teaching and most recently budo.  I chose to walk the path.  I’m stronger, healthier, wiser, and more courageous because of it.  All I have to do is practice.  Just do the practice – and all is coming.

 

 

Eleven days ago I completed Teacher Training.  I completed the last classes, my last few lectures, and walked across the stage to accept my certificate from Boss.  Only eleven days ago.  It’s amazing to me how long ago that seems.

When I wrote the last blog, I was sad about seeing Training end.  I remember writing it, the morning of the last Friday.  I was sitting on the floor in the hallway, as I often did.  I had my breakfast beside me, I felt the cool wind of the morning, and was contemplating what to wear to class that day.  I remember that last day.  I remember Rajashree’s morning class, so full of energy.  I remember the afternoon lecture.  I remember Bikram’s final class and the sheer electricity in the hot room that night.  I remember standing with my Posture Clinic group and goofing off.  I remember laughing, crying, and not quite believing it was really over.  I remember when Bikram ended the class and we all screamed and clapped.  We jumped up and down and hugged one another.  I remember people dancing and cheering.  We did it.  And really, it was over.  That night we had the talent show.  It was exhilarating and exhausting to think of what was ahead.  I remember not wanting to go to bed that night, so afraid I’d wake up and it would be over.  But no matter, I did wake up, and it was over.  The next morning felt strange with no yoga class and I started packing up to go home.  I went to the pool one last time to sit with my friends.  I ate lunch in the sun and thought about graduation.  That night, we all walked across the stage and took that little piece of paper from Bikram.  It is that piece of paper, coupled with our nine week journey, that would enable us to be Teachers.  Nobody in that room had ever looked or felt better than we did at that moment.  We shined as brightly as a million stars.  We did it.  Really, we did it.  Graduation gave way to the goodbye dinner.  I sat one last time with my beautiful friends, and we all felt a little solemn under the warm evening.  As time waned, we started hugging, and crying, and realizing we were parting ways.  I remember getting up to leave, and staying another hour just to not have to let go so soon.  But when my final goodbyes were done, I walked back to my room feeling spent.  I was so ready to go and yet didn’t want the night to end.

I flew out on Sunday, late in the morning.  My flight was short, and deposited me back into a cold city.  I got off the plane and wondered instantly where I was.  I saw my precious babies and my husband for the first time in two months.  It was amazing to see their faces, and feel their embrace.  I felt like a stranger a little bit.  But it wasn’t long before I was mommy again and even now, those 9 weeks seem to have slipped by so quickly.

So, now, I sit here only eleven days past graduation.  I have taught four classes at my studio.  My tan is fading, all of my suitcases have long been emptied, and I’ve adjusted to the cool weather.  I am fully re-initiated into my life here in Texas.  It feels strange when I think about it.  Some days I struggle to understand what just happened.  I no longer spend Saturday and Sunday afternoons in the sun by the pool.  I have a stove, and my own washing machine again.  Nobody makes my bed while I am in class every morning, and I no longer sleep alone.  I don’t have to sign in four times a day, wait in line for lunch, ask for things in Spanish, or give my room number every time I want something.  I don’t have to go to yoga if I don’t feel like it, although I do – unless I am scheduled to teach.  I can drive to the store, instead of take a van, and nobody keeps me up until 2 am anymore.  Teacher Training is over, and I really really really miss it.

There are things I do not miss.  Of course, I love the freedom of being done with Training.  I love having my precous husband and kids back, and having a car, and being able to sleep late.  I love my home studio, my friends, and my really comfortable bed.  I love being home, and I love being a teacher.  But I think I will always miss that hot room, the sun, and Mexico.  It will never be the same, we can never go back, and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.  I’m right where I’m meant to be, a little homesick for Training.  I miss Bikram, just like he said.  Amazing.

But no matter, I am here now, and I am a Teacher.  If there is anything that seals the Training experience, it’s teaching.  Teaching is the perfect completion of the circle (thanks Craig), and it’s like the icing on the cake for me.  After all that hard work, putting on that headset mic and walking into that hot room feels like the best reward.  Hello, my name is Karen, I’m going to be your teacher today.  Please come standing in the middle of your mats and towels, toes on the line… The circle is complete.

But the journey goes on, and I have much to learn.  I have so much more of myself to find.  I have so far to go in my practice and I’m excited to see how it will continue to change.  Even as I am growing, my life on the mat will continue to grow and evolve.  One of the best things about this yoga is that there is no end.  There’s no destination point.  It just goes on and on, if we let it.  I am excited to see what is ahead.  I know there are many ups and downs waiting for me, but the yoga is constant.  Even when every class is different, the yoga is the same.  26 and 2.

We say this little phrase a lot in the Bikram world, Eventually or in the future. It’s kind of a little funny part of Bikram’s “language.” I have adopted it so much, and it means a lot to me.  Eventually, or in the future, I used to think about being a Bikram Yoga Teacher.  Now I am.  Everything in its time.

Namaste.

Midpoint ponderings.

October 20, 2008

Wow, well I am really over halfway done with Training.  But I didn’t have time to really write much this week, so I’m catching up now.  Thanks to all of you who have stopped by to see the pictures.  I wish I could have gotten them up sooner.  But they’re up now, and as you can see, this place is pretty amazing.

So, thoughts on Teacher Training from the midpoint…  Wow, what a ride.  I say it over and over and over and over, but wow..  what a ride.  If I think back to the day I left Houston to come here I can hardly believe all that I’ve been through.  Getting here was such a big deal, and then the hurricane hit.  It was a whirlwind for about two weeks.  Training started and the madness ensued.

I remember a lot of it.  I remember Orientation, meeting the staff, the welcome dinner.  I remember that FIRST CLASS.  I remember meeting Bikram.  It all feels like a year ago.  But really, it’s only been five weeks, so much time and yet so little.  I remember how anxiously we all navigated around one another for the first week or so.  I remember the rough transition into the heat of the yoga room, the adjustment to the humidity, and finidng ways to cope with the class.  I remember thinking I was starting over like a brand new baby with my practice.  I remember feeling like I was going to die, wanting to die, and hoping I would die so they would have to carry me out.  But I also remember feeling better and laughing at Bikram’s hilarious commentery in class.  I remember when my body said, “thank you” and worked harder for me.  I remember the glee of making it through without sitting out a single posture for the first time.  I remember thinking I’ve never worked harder in my life for anything.  I remember thinking I’d make it afterall, then the next day not being so sure.  I remember crying through more classes than I can count.  I remember all the compassionate arm squeezes, handfulls of ice, and “are you ok’s??”  I remember giving up on trying to figure out why I was crying, and feeling so free.  I remember the first Posture Clinic with Boss.  I remember nailing my dialogue one day, then struggling the next. I remember ANATOMY with NO BOOKS!!  I remember my first LATE night with a Bollywood movie.  I remember wanting to scream I was so tired, but having nowhere to go.  I remember the ache that finally subsided from missing my kids and my husband so much.  I remember the day I accepted that I was supposed to be here.

And now here I am, about to being week six, a new person.  This is not the body that flew to Mexico so many weeks ago.  It’s not the same brain or the same heart.  I have a long way to go, and a lot more to do.  But being here, at the crossroads, just over the mountaintop – is really, really, really awesome.

If I look back at those goals that I set for myself the first night in Acapulco, I can honestly say I’ve really accomplished most of them.  I’ve given my full effort to this experience.  And, I’ve NEVER left my mat.  All of those little victories are adding up to what I hope will be the start of my new life teaching.  But, I’ve still four weeks ahead.

So, in celebration of this landmark, I’ve decided to write a Thankful list.  I used to do these a lot on my other blog.  I think it’s only fitting, seeing as how I have so much to be thankful for.  So here goes.

Things I am thankful for today:

I am thankful that I am here.
I am thankful for this yoga.
I am thankful for my husband and family.
I am thankful for so many people who believe in me.
I am thankful for my studio at home.
I am thankful that Training is halfway finished.
I am thankful for my amazing friends.
I am thankful for my roommate.
I am thankful for the staff here.
I am thankful for this beautiful place that I get to call home.
I am thankful to be able to be included in this amazing group of people.
I am thankful that I *can* do this.
I am thankful for my body.
I am thankful for water, salt, and sleep.
I am thankful for my ipod.
I am thankful for all the shorts I brought with me.
I am thankful for my water bottles and my insulated bottle sleeves.
I am thankful for my watch.
I am thankful for caffeine, crackers, and chewing gum.
I am thankful for blogging, and having the internet.
I am thankful for my Posture Clinic group.
I am thankful that the weekend is always coming.
I am thankful for the pool.
I am thankful that I can buy a new yoga mat because I killed the first one.
I am thankful that I don’t have to wash my own towels.
I am thankful for my maid, the lunch buffet, and the ICE MACHINE!!!
I am thankful for candy.  Yes, really.  Candy, especially caramels.
I am thankful for the van that carries me to the grocery store every Saturday.
I am thankful for my small, laminated, dialogue that has been through so much.
I am thankful for my alarm clock.
I am thankful for my bed.
I am thankful that I get Sunday off.
and yes..  I am thankful for Bikram.

I could probably go on and on.  But I think that should do it for now.

This week should be interesting.  We are supposed to have some great lectures this week with Rajashree.  I am looking forward to seeing her happy smiling face again!  As always, more YOGA, and more POSTURE CLINIC!!!  My dialogue is going really well and I only have TWO more postures to learn.  WOW.  I worked really hard this weekend to get through a bunch.  It is nice to know I am almost done.

As always, my love to you all.  Here’s to four more weeks!

Namaste.

To tell you the truth…

October 11, 2008

WOW, week four is over.  I am almost halfway!  WOW.

I know I haven’t been writing much, or saying much, or *ahem* posting any pictures.  Bear with me, it’s all good.  I’ve always been really honest here on this blog.  So, I am going to talk a little bit about how I’ve been feeling this week with true candor, well..  because I can.

Before I came here, I got SO much advice, information, insight, whatever.. about how this Training was going to be.  I read so many blogs, heard so many stories about it.  I was SO sure I knew how it was going to be.  Well, as per usual it isn’t at all what I expected, or what I was told, really.  OK, OK, maybe a little bit like what I expected.  But overall, not really.

The truth is..  are you ready????  I am happy here.  I know!  That’s good huh?  I feel so incredibly in my element.  I have been a little afraid to say it.  I’ve been worrying that if I say that, it will change.  But, I don’t want to live in fear that this will or won’t change.  I want to share it, so you guys know how I feel.  I’m all good.  I’m sore, exhausted, cranky, hot (duh), and homesick..  yes, I am.  But 85% of the time (or more) I am happy here.  I love it here.  I love the classes, I love posture clinic, I love my friends.  And at the risk of sounding truly annoying, I really really really love the yoga.  I better, right?  Ha.

The good thing about being happy is that no matter how horrible it gets, and it can get pretty bad at times, home base is good.  I feel safe here, I feel healthy, I feel STRONG.  My body is a machine.  Even though they tell us we’re not supposed to necessarily focus on our practices improving during Training, mine is.  I’ve been well and strong since Day One (save that nasty ear thing and a small cold), and have never left my mat.  I have really done well with my dialogue and I feel good about going home to teach.

Oh, and I have an awesome roommate.  I do.  She rocks.

So, in my heightened state of bliss, I fall deeper and deeper in love with the yoga.  I am getting it.  I understand more every time I go into the room.  Of course, I have my days when I want to tear my hair out, or rip off my clothes and run screaming, or just scream.  I have those days, trust me.  I have days when I sob and cry and miss my kids so badly it aches.  I have long nights with movies in Hindi that I neither understand nor care to understand.  I have days when those precious 3 or 4 hours of sleep just aren’t enough.  Yeah, I have those.  But, I signed up for this, on purpose.  And no matter what, there’s always a weekend coming.  And, the best part?  At the end of this nine weeks, I will have a whole new life.  I will be a teacher (or a teacher in the making, at least), and I will have my certificate.  I’ll have crossed over that invisible chasm and have survived the Torture Chamber.  I will be a completely different person.

For all of that, I am thankful and very happy.  And, that is the truth.

Namaste.

Mi primera noche en Acapulco

September 13, 2008

Ok I promise not to make all the blog titles en Espanol.  I’m awake in my hotel room and I’ve now had two cups of coffee.  So, I think I am ready to write.  When I left you yesterday I was sitting in the terminal at the airport.  When I got to my gate, I met about six other Trainees.  How awesome!!  We were all on the same flight out and I was fortunate to be sitting across from one of my fellow students, Danielle.  The flight was fine, and on time.  We had a tiny plane and the takeoff was seriously bumpy.  But we arrived right on time.  The Houston airport closed not long after our flight left.

From the sky, Acapulco looks like paradise.  Hotels as far as the eye can see.  Beach, pool, hotel.  Repeat.  I spotted the Fairmont from the air as we landed.  It’s massive!!!!  After collecting my bags, and having two Mexican boder patrol guards rifle through my underwear and socks, I found a taxi.  One of the first things anyone notices here is the humidity.  Think Houston, but Houston in a sauna.  VERY humid.  And I am used to Houston.  So yeah, HUMID.  But not as hot as Houston.  So, it’s a balance I guess.  My fellow students mosied off to their various hotels.  Most of them are staying in the Fairmont, but a few of us have different hotels until the weekend.  I am staying at the Hyatt, since I am here a day early.  But today I will move to my permanent home at the Fairmont.

My taxi ride was fun.  The airport (and the Fairmont) are on the south end of the strip.  My hotel is about 20 minutes ‘north’ (as best as I can tell).  We climbed through the city and up into the hills.  Acapulco is hilly and surrounded by mountains.  It’s gorgeous.  It reminds me of Managua.  Bustling, colorful, LOUD, and very very crowded.  I spotted three Wal-Marts on my way here (yay – not) as well as a Sam’s, Costco, Burger King, McDonald’s, Tommy Hilfiger store, and a slew of car dealerships.  Wait, am I really IN Mexico?  Oh yes, yes I am.  My favorite billboard was the *ALL NEW McFLURRY* which apparently features *sabores exoticos*…  Yeah, OK.  I saw that billboard about, oh… twenty times in my 20 minute taxi ride.

Anyway, I arrived at the Hyatt.  It is also a MASSIVE resort.  I can see a Wal-Mart from my balcony (yawn).  But I can also see the bay and the mountains.  YAYY!  MOUNTAINS!!!  I might be OK here afterall.  I met two other girls from my Training yesterday afternoon.  I had a little bit of an adventure figuring out how to get the power on in my room.  You have to slide your room key into a little box by the door to activate the electricity.  I should haver remembered that from Thailand.  I was peeved to walk into a warm hotel room, but the AC works just fine.  I filtered some water, found some ice (yes it’s all filtered here) and, of course – logged into the web.  I’m paying for my internet here but it will be free at the Fairmont.  It’s worth it to me.  I haven’t ventured out of the hotel yet.  Last night I ordered room service for dinner.  $10 for pasta, iced tea, and bread.  SO worth it not to have to venture out exhausted in search of food.  It was far more than I could eat.

Mostly I rested yesterday evening.  I showered, sorted my suitcases out (I had to almost repack them upon check-in in Houston yesterday), read, studied my dialogue a little, and chatted.  I considered going to the pool, but was just so tired.  I’ll have time to go today when I get to the Fairmont.  I went to bed around 9.  I got to sleep pretty easily, but the noises woke me up for a while.  I am near the elevator and the lack of carpet in the hotel makes everything echo.  I heard doors, footsteps, music, voices, carts, all of it – off and on all night.  But in spite of the noises, which I will have to get used to, I slept well.

This morning I am drinking some coffee and trying to get caught up on the situation with the hurricane.  I know my home is without power.  Last report was that there was no damage, just lots of wind and rain.  My sister is having damage at her in-law’s house and has no idea if her house is damaged.  I feel an ache for all of them.  I know even if I were there, there’s nothing I could do, but it’s hard to just watch it.  I keep praying, and have faith that this will all be fine.  The storm will soon pass.

So, how am I doing?  I am fine.  I feel the ache of being away.  I have this little grey stuffed cat that I brought with me.  It has been loved by both of my babies.  It smells like home and since I grabbed it walking out the door, I had it in my purse during my trip.  It reminds me of my kids, and it comforts me.  I fell asleep with it in my arms last night and when I woke up with it on my pillow, it made me smile.  It might sound silly that a grown woman has a stuffed animal, but hey, it works for me.  I feel better today physically than I did yesterday but I defintely feel the climate difference.  I am having some sinus congestion and have a little cough.  Nothing major, really, but still annoying.  Also, I’m not entirely sure about my stomach.  It’s, umm… not entirely happy.  But I wonder why.  It could be because of the weird food I have been eating, things I NEVER eat at home.  Or it could be my first case of what I will here on out affectionately call South of the Border Belly SOTBB.  If it is SOTBB, at least I have it early.  If it’s not, good.  Either way, I’m fine.  I’ll be fine, and even if it gets worse, I will be FINE.  I’ve had far worse stomach issues overseas and SOTBB is cake compared to the mess I had in Pakistan.  I’m good.

I realllly realllly realllly want to take a yoga class.  I know this must sound insane, but I haven’t had a class since Wednesday and I won’t get another one until Monday.  My body aches for the heat.  I am all stiff from travel, and a new bed.  Maybe a swim in the ocean would help.  I’ll keep you posted.  I know that come Monday I won’t be whining for yoga anymore, but right now, I want YOGA!!!

Emotionally, I am all over the place.  Saying goodbye was hard.  But overall, I feel OK.  I know this will change, literally, hourly (or even by the moment?) over the next nine weeks.  I am reminding myself to smile, and BE HAPPY, and also to let go and be thankful.  I’m here, I made it – hurricane be damned!!  There’s all kinds of good stuff ahead for me, and all kinds of hard stuff.  It’s hard to believe sitting here sipping coffee and watching the ocean that in a week, I’ll be dealing with so much new stuff.  I have to remind myself that I can only do this one day at a time, moment by moment.  I am going to cling to this over the next nine weeks.  One breath at a time.

I thought of some things I want to share, and put out there before the madness begins.  First, why I want to be a Bikram Yoga Teacher.  So many of my teachers have said to write this down, so that as things get hard, I can come back to these things and be encouraged and reminded.  So here goes.

Why I want to become a Bikram Yoga Teacher:

1.  I want to share the yoga that has saved my lfe.
2.  I really LOVE this yoga and I believe in it.
3.  I have a passion to see people’s lives changed.
4.  I believe this is my calling.
5.  Nothing else has made me feel as good, walk as tall, and be as strong as this practice.  If I can see even ONE person experience this change in their life, I will be eternally thankful.

and so many more reasons.  But those are my top five.  For now.

Also, here are a few goals I thought of over the past few weeks for Training.  Nothing major, just some things to keep my eyes on as I practice and learn here in Mexico.

Goals:

1.  Never give up.
2.  Have faith in the process.
3.  Let it go.  Cry if I need to cry, scream if I need to scream.  But laugh and smile too.
4.  STAY IN THE ROOM!  Barring any, um… SOTBB issues, never leave the room.  Even when it sucks.
5.  Give myself over to the journey.  Learn, absorb, and be open.  This is happening already!
6.  LEARN THE DIALOGUE!  Study faithfully.
7.  Keep a record of what’s happening to me physically and emotionally.
8.  Be here now.
9.  Take care of my health, eat what I need to eat, stay hydrated, be smart about my wellbeing.
10.  Connect with my fellow students, but remember to guard my energy and not over-give myself away.
11.  Soak up the experience.
12.  Find a calm in the hot room, and drop my judgment at the door.
13.  Smile.
14.  Laugh
15.  Make friends  (not hard)

Wow, this is a massive post.

I’ll wrap this up with a couple of photos I took yesterday.  Be sure to check out Isaac’s Blog too, he’s got some GREAT videos up already.

First, the view from my balcony. Not bad, eh?

Another view (you can see the Wal-Mart)

Here’s ME!!! I am REALLY here!!!

My room here at the Hyatt

My dinner!!

And finally, my first Mexico sunset.

I will try to blog again when I am settled into the Fairmont. Thanks for listening and reading.

Namaste!

Tres mas dias.

September 11, 2008

I’m leaving in three days. Can’t believe it’s finally here.

I’ve had kind of a slow week so far yoga-wise. I’m not so much pushing myself in class. It’s been a great week otherwise, though, full of all kinds of goodbyes and *lasts* as I bid my cozy life with the Woodlands Yogis goodbye for a while. I’ve also been spending as much time with these guys as humanly possible.

Man, I’m going to miss them.

It feels weird to say that everything is done.  The bags are packed, arrangements made, business sorted out, it’s all done.  I just have to get on the plane.  And hug and kiss my guys goodbye.  That’s the sucky part.

As you can imagine I’m all over the place emotionally.  I’m excited, no doubt.  I’m also dealing with the grief I knew I would of anticipating being separated from my family for so long.  I’m nervous, and anxious about the logistics of travel (damn hurricane!).  I’m also curious about the hotel, my room, the hot room, my roommate, Acapulco, the beach, and the pool(s).  But with all the anxiety, and the glee, and the uncertainty, I remain surprisingly calm.  I feel the quiet peace of knowing that come Saturday I embark on the next journey laid out before me.  I know that no matter how anxious I am, or how much I worry about the things I’ve packed, the nine weeks will be.  I will be, Training will be.  It will all be, and it will all be fine.  The hurricane may disrupt my flights, my plans may be disheveled.  I may get exhausted, and homesick, and cry.  But it will be what it will be.  I will wake up Monday and go to class, and the wheel will start turning.  This is who I am, and who I will be, and who I am supposed to be.  And it’s going to be awesome.

In case I don’t get a chance to blog again before I go, I bid you all a fond goodbye.  Here in my quiet house, with my boys snoozing upstairs and my tea beside me, I relax one more time.  I will take you all along in my heart and your words will encourage me as I work towards one of my life’s biggest goals.  Thank you all SO much for your support and your love.

I will be blogging here as much as I can while I am away.  Please feel free to leave me comments but understand I may not be able to respond to them.  My time online will be limited but your words encourage me, so keep them coming!!!

All of my love to you all and see you in Acapulco.

Eighteen

August 25, 2008

I have eighteen days left here before I leave for Training.  18.  Not so many days now.  I’m doing OK.  I have good days and bad days.  My practice has settled back into a normal (more sane) pattern.  I’m appreciating my days off quite a bit as I know they are limited, and in a few weeks will be nearly nonesistent.  But there I am again, I cannot live in the future.  I only have right now.

My dialogue is going well.  I’m nearly finished wth Triangle.  My goal all along has been to have the entire Standing Series memorized before I leave.  It looks like this will be easily done.  Finding time to study is challenging with the kids, and normal life, and praciticing.  But I have been working out some new ways of studying and as long as I give it a little time each day, it’s going along just fine.

I think I’m ready.  I believe I am.  I’ll begin the process of packing soon.  I have a little more on my list to do and get before I fly away, but the major preparations are behind me.  Now it’s the details, the small items.  I also will soon begin the process of saying goodbyes, having lunches one more time with friends, and preparing my sweet family for my absence.  It’s almost surreal how this has all unfolded for me.  Just six short weeks ago, I sat with Jen and Arnie and made up my mind over a Greek salad that I could do this.  That dinner feels like it happened decades ago.  I don’t even feel like the same person.  The transformation has already begun.

It’s happening, so fast.  I want to remember it.  Even days like this, sitting on my couch with my dialgoue beside me.  I hear the dishwasher running and the kids playing upstairs.  I am still here, but already there.  I want to remember how this felt so that when I come back, or even halfway through Training, I can still feel this feeling.  I want to remember it.  Even if it’s just a little.

Eighteen days will turn into sixteen, then ten, then five, then I’ll be gone.  I’ll be in Acapulco.  I’ll be in the huge yoga room with Bikram teaching me.  I’ll be listening and learning and missing and hoping and thinking.

I just want to remember, because yesterday and tomorrow can never feel like today.

Namaste.