The Roller Coaster

September 19, 2008

It’s FRIDAY!!!  I cannot believe that week one is nearly over.  Wow.

So, everthing anyone ever told me about this Training being a total roller coaster was right.  It literally is moment by moment up one minute and down the next.  I’ve seen some pretty deep lows this week and had some pretty high highs.  This is GOOD!  Am I right?  Yes Boss!

Anyway, my classes are feeling a little stronger.  I had quite possibly (what I thought) the worst class of my entire yoga career yesterday.  What’s funny about it is that I thought the class I had Wednesday night was the worst.  Get my point?  But then last night I had a strong class with Bikram.  I felt good, like I was floating.  I’ve cried every single class since I got here but last night.  There’s nothing wrong with that, I am certainly fairing better than many of my fellow students overall.  But it’s hard emotionally.  It’s all good, all part of this process I see opening up and as hard as it is, I am trying to let it go.

So people have been asking me, why do people collapse, vomit, pass out, etc, in the class here.  There are so many reasons for it.  And it’s not even just because it’s Training.  Bikram Yoga is like a refiner’s fire.  It’s the kiln, where you put your body to shape it, to mold it.  When you put your body in the fire, the shit comes out.  Whatever that means for you, it happens.  Tears, nausea, vomiting, fainting, it’s all just the body purging itself of the crap we’ve done to it for however long we’ve been alive.  One of our teachers said (I believe it was Jim Kallet) that the body NEVER forgets.  Everything we’ve done to our body is still in our body.  So you go into the room, the heat and the humidity, and you feel that purge.  Let it go, this is good.  Some of the students here are adjusting to the elevated humidity of the room (around 70%), others are coping with viruses, others are dealing with weak bodies, others are suffering emotionally.  We all deal with it, in different ways.  But what we learn from it is to get back to our mat, stand back up, and work.  Every day, class by class, breath by breath.

I gave my dialogue for Bikram last night, and I nailed it.  Felt awesome to be done with that.  Just, you know, 23 more postures to go!

This place is becoming more and more familiar to me.  I’m getting it why we have to let go and be here.  I have enjoyed having this time already just to not worry, not think, just do.  I’ve opened myself up, and I’m here.  I’m also looking forward to the weekend when I can rest a little more, study, and maybe even go to the beach.

So, how’s my body doing?  Overall, I’m doing great.  No dehydration, no cramping (WOW).  Overall, I’m just dealing with a slightly cranky digestive system (SOTBB), some fatigue, and my emotional junk.  I’m grateful to NOT be vomiting, or leaving the room, or passing out.  I’ve stayed on my mat, in the room, and that’s the goal.  I’m taking care and eating well.  So far so great.  Even when it sucks, I remember how far I’ve come.  I feel SO much new depth in my postures.  Just this far in!  I can’t wait to see how I feel in 8 weeks.  I’m holding things, pushing things, and feeling stronger class by class.  Thankful, thankful, thankful!!!

I had better be off to prepare for class.  Can’t wait to write again this weekend.  Namaste.

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Well, first of all, I am not sore. I went to bed SO incredibly sore I was near weeping when I pulled my aching frame under the sheets. But something happened between 11 pm and 7 am and I woke up with zero soreness anywhere. Really. I was so done with it yesterday evening that I told myself that if I woke up feeling stiff again, I was taking a day off. Nothing, not even a tight hamstring today. This yoga works, believe it.

Arnie taught 9:30 today. I haven’t been in that class in a while, but I love it. There’s so much energy in the room. There are a lot of “regulars” there every day. I took my new favorite spot and had a good class. It was HUMID to the max and my body moved well. I am thinking maybe taking it easy on myself yesterday paid off today. I was able to work a bit deeper than I have in a few days. Anyhow, boy was it a long one. Arnie taught a one hour, 49 minute class. I was feeling it by the end. I had a hard time in the first set of Ustrasana and ended flat on my back for fear of blacking out. I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t especially overheated or nauseas. But I couldn’t get myself even into the setup without the room seeming to spin. Second set was awesome and I felt that really killer stretch all the way up and down my body. So good.

So, since I’m always looking to educate myself further about my practice, this yoga, and all things Bikram, I have a special thanks to give today. Social networks are amazing things. Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace – they all bring us closer together. I think the Bikram world especially is tight in the virtual world. And since I never pass up an opportunity to live my life on the web, I really love it. I had the amazing opportunity recently to “converse” with Mary Jarvis on Facebook. Mary is the founder and owner of Global Yoga San Francisco. She is also a deeply respected name in the Bikram world. Mary offered me some fresh insights into my backbends. Since the Challenge began I have had a love/hate relationship with all things backward bending. But recently I’ve been having some discouragement and frustration with my backbends. Since Mary is all about the backbends I asked her for her insights. She gave them to me. My life and my spine will never be the same. Mary encouraged me to try some new things, do a few things differently and GO FOR IT!!!! I’ve been working on it. Today I finally felt it in the third part of Half Moon. I finally felt the zen of the backbend. I’ve heard about it. I’ve read about it. I’ve wished for it. Today I got it. And yes, Mary, I did squeeze the shit out of my hands! So, Mary, thank you. Thanks for encouraging and instructing, even from far away. You are a legend, and I long to meet you one day. Eventually, in the future. 😉

I’m considering a double today. I’ll keep you posted.

77/90

This will be brief as I am super tired.

I did another double today and loved it. I am feeling strong! I was surprised, though, that I sat out a half set of Triangle tonight (something I haven’t done in a long time) in my second class because I just could not get my heart rate in check. No judgment, of course, just a little surprised.

Oh the HEAT today. I LOVED it and relished it. My morning class was hot hot and my evening class was WET! Both were great and I am feeling much better about dealing with the heat and humidity. I was struggling with it earlier in the Challenge, if you recall 😉

I am off to bed now to rest. Only a few hours to sleep before I get up and do this all again. I’ll try to get a longer, more thoughtful blog tomorrow.

Namaste!