That ain’t gonna fly at Training.

‘Nuff said Mr Tu.  I promise I’ll stop pushing into my hands in Cobra.  And I’ll save you the very lame excuse I had made for myself after doing it in class today.  Doesn’t matter anyway, right?  Right.  Onwards.

Oh HI everyone *waves*!!!  How are you all?  Me?  I’m good, thanks.  Yes, yes, ONE MORE WEEK!!  It’s coming, fast.  I’m so ready to go!!  Of course, I still need to pack.  But hey, I have a while, right?  Right.

It’s been interesting for me lately on the mat.  I’ve had some really strong classes and some less-than-impressive ones too.  Today’s class was sublime torture of the highest form.  I loved it and hated it all at the same time.  Truly, truly a love/hate thing for me.  I was inches away from the two people I was sandwiched between this morning.  The room was PACKED.  I could literally feel the heat radiating off of my two mat buddies.

But the heat didn’t get me too badly today.  I was feeling pretty strong for most of class but had some surprisingly strong emotions. I thought I was doing OK until I laid down for Savasana and then the tears just poured out of my eyes.  Tu was talking about fears, and the floor being a safe place and I couldn’t keep it in.  I have no idea where it came from or what brought it up, but there it was.  The tears came and went until I was standing in the shower after class when I finally recovered.  I’ve cried plenty of time in class. Plenty.  It never bothers me, and often feels good to get it done.  Get it out, move on.  Today was like that.  Just letting whatever “it” was go.  Buhbye anxiety.  But usually I see it coming.  Not today.  Today it got me out of nowhere.

I’m getting a little sentimental about the next week.  Tomorrow will be my last Saturday class at BYTW for two months.  Next week will be many “lasts” as I get ready to go off to Mexico.  Sunday will be my last Advanced for a while…  You get the idea.  It’s bittersweet, really.  This is my home.  I will miss my hot little orange room.

I’ve had SO many dreams about Teacher Training.  Lately I’ve been having tons of dreams about the hot room in Acapulco.  I’ve been dreaming about class, what it will be like to practice in a literal sea of bodies.  It’s not anxiety as much as just energy.  I want to get in there, feel it, get myself in the room.  Make my peace with the size of it.  I know I will, and I’ll spend far more time in there than I probably will ever want to, but still I think about it.  I think about all the things I’m working through here, all the challenges I have now, and how those things will show up on my mat in Mexico.  Even the little things like cheating myself in a posture because I’m tired, falling out early, resting weight in my arms.  That ain’t gonna fly at Training.

But I let it all go.  No matter what I say or do now, no matter the ways I try to prepare or the dreams I have, it will be what it will be.  I’m wide open and ready.

Namaste