August 14, 2008
I am a day late getting this posted. But yesterday was so, well… long that I went to bed early and decided to leave this blog until today.
I finished!! I did it! 90 Bikram Yoga classes done! I also, DID, actually do the 11 classes in five days that I talked about back on Friday. And let me tell you, five straight days of doubles was something else.
This Challenge has been less about can I do it than the last one and more about how I do it. In class I hear all the time stomach stomach stomach!!!! But in my mind, I hear, attitude attitude attitude!!!! In fact, the entire thing has been much more emotional than physical for me. This is not to say I have not literally worked my ass off, but so much more of it has been internal. I know I can do the yoga. Clearly, I can do the yoga. But the real question and yes, challenge, was – and still is – Can I do the yoga without complaining?? Can I do the yoga when my mind is screaming? Can I do the yoga when I have a million things on my mind? Can I let it go and do the class? Can I release my control on stuff and do it? Can I get through a class without whining about my back? Can I choose to be thankful? Can I do it with a smile?
I’ve surely whined, complained, obsessed, and been far less than thankful. You’ve seen it here on the blog. But what I am taking away from this is where I am today. Today am I closer to that ideal. Today I am smiling, thankful, and resolved. Today I am 90 classes stronger.
Daren asked me yesterday, Now what? Well, the truth is that nothing really changes. I will, of course, keep going to class. I will keep journaling here and chronicaling my journey through this yoga and Teacher Training. I’ll sort of miss the countdown of classes, the feeling of pusing through, and the adrenaline of it all. But even as bittersweet as that is, I look forward to giving my body a rest. I need to learn Dialog, spend time with my family, and focus on the next month of my life here at home. And yes, one month is all that I have left.
Last night as I was winding down my day, I became frustrated with something going on here at home and just lost my temper. I got into the shower and let the hot water soak into my skin. It was there that I craved my yoga mat. I craved the space, the heat, the work. Crazy, as I was literally exhausted. But I recognized the yoga as my outlet. It’s my solace and my release from the junk in life. I take this as a sign of how far I have come. Yoga is not a chore, it’s not a task to tick off of my list. Yoga is a basic function of my day. 90 minutes on my mat. Me and the mirror, the heat, and the postures. That’s all I need. And for that, I am truly thankful.
August 12, 2008
Today was my fourth straight day of doubles. Tomorrow I will finish my 90. It’s a little bittersweet. I’m really going to miss marking classes off on my sheet every day. Ah well, plenty of time to be emotinal tomorrow after class.
Today I had Alisa Matthews, the current Women’s Yoga World Champion for both classes. She and Ball Rattanapong, the current Male Champion, are both teaching at BYTW this week. It was nice to have a new teacher and to have her. She’s lovely and I really liked her class.
I’m kinda worn out, so I am going to cut this one short. I will write a nice, long, squishy blog tomorrow
August 11, 2008
I’m sure you guys are sick and tired of hearing me prattle on and on about yoga. So, I’ve put a video here for you instead. The only real connection this has to my Challenge is that this song often runs through my head during class. Enjoy! 86/90
August 10, 2008
I’m not nearly as exhausted as I expected to be this afternoon. In fact, I feel, great. Weird, but also, great 😉
I have a sore knee. I am not happy about this. But it kinda stands to reason something of this nature would come up. At least my back isn’t sore. Have I mentioned that my back has been sore?? Well, it has, and now it’s not. I guess these things travel. Like a ship in the night, right Jen?? Something like that.
So, this isn’t really BIG news of any kind. It’s more of a very elementary yoga lesson. But here it is, and you get to hear it. I’m laying there, after Advanced class this afternoon. I’d done three and a half hours of yoga and I was sitting there, counting. Counting classes, hours, what was left, what I had done, etc… And then I just let it go. I said, “who cares??” Who really cares about hours, classes, days, all of that? Who cares? Well, I care. I do. But funny enough, the more I care, the more it plagues me. The doubles haven’t been bad. In fact, the doubles are just doubles. I’m finding that this yoga isn’t a chore. It’s not a task, it’s just part of life. At some point, you stop thinking about how much you’re doing and just DO it. You stop counting, stop thinking and just do it. Of course, since I’m on this Challenge, I am counting classes. I don’t intend to stop counting. But I can stop quantifying for myself what I have done. I can stop worrying and plotting and keeping detailed account. I can let it go and just do the yoga.
My 90 will be over soon. I will be done with this Challenge. But, as Jen and I discussed, it’s never over. I’ll never really be done. Yoga isn’t about a destination, it’s a journey. And at the risk of sounding truly sentimental, I believe the journey is what teaches us about life.
So, yes, I am closer to being done. Six more to go. But who’s counting??
August 9, 2008
I don’t really feel like writing a blog tonight. I guess that’s probably not the news you all wanted to hear, is it? But here I am, and it’s not even that late, so I will write. I’m going to be up front with you guys. I am completely exhausted.. I will be really glad when this Yoga Marathon ends. Just being honest. It’s been an incredible journey and I wouldn’t trade it for anything (not even the sleep I missed for all those early classes), BUT mamma is tired.
I had two really solid classes today. And now, I have only 9 classes left. NINE! Nine classes to go until I finish. That’s a single digit number! Tomorrow, I will be down to six. This is getting real, folks.
Zeb said something today that has stuck with me all day. While my paraphrase is likely far from the actual words he spoke, the truth remains.. The past and the future can never feel like today. Today is truly all we have. RIGHT NOW is really all we have. And even with as much as I love to look to the future, I still only have this day, this moment. I can look ahead to Training. I do all the time. I get anxious and excited and nervous daily about the future. But no matter how amazing the past or future has been or is, all I have is today. Only today.
Tomorrow is going to be a very full day. I have regular class and Advanced. I will try to write a more detailed blog tomorrow.
August 8, 2008
Every time I take a class, I check off a class on my challenge sheet. It’s still hanging on the board there with the others that have long been abandoned. Mine has now been turned over and a new list is running down the back of all my extra classes. I am SO close. 11 more classes to go. Tonight I am posing the challenge to myself to finish this in the next five days. Can Ren do 11 classes in five days?? If I double every day between now and Wednesday, including Advanced on Sunday I can. I’ve always wanted to finish this Challenge this way. Hard to believe it’s finally here. I can do it. I know it.
I had a great class with Nada this afternoon – her last at BYTW (for now). I am very very sad to see her go. I have learned a lot from her and she’s so encouraging. One day, I’ll go to Sonoma and teach for her. This is the great circle of life. After class I went to Lululemon for a fun event. I got to hang out with my yoga friends and we were all dry and dressed in street clothes!! Miracle!!!
Anyway, tomorrow starts my Double Marathon. If you are so inclined, say a little prayer for my spine. I’ve never done more than three days of consecutive double classes. This will be a first for me. Good preparation for Training, though.
August 7, 2008
Well kiddies, I went back for a double tonight. It was a great great class. I struggled in Triangle a little, with my feet literally slipping out from under me. coughthecarpetwaswetfrombeingcleanedcough… Uhhh.. Not that it should matter. But they were really.. slipping… out from under me.
SO! Onwards and upwards!
Hi, my name is Karen, and I sweat like a MAN! And no, not just any man, a SWEATY MAN! Thanks, yes, I’ll stay away now. Woweeee did I sweat tonight. I don’t usually like to wax philosophical about sweat but OMGHOLYMOLY did it pour off of me tonight. See and here’s the thing, I actually like it. Yes, yes.. I do. I LIKE it. I like the way it feels to flush my body hardcore and when it’s over I feel brand new, my skin literally glowing. So I’ve had TWO very very sweaty classes today and I’m just way too happy about the amount of sweating I did, apparently.
Forgive me, I’m a little loopy. It’s late, I need to eat, and oh yeah I just might be high on yoga. Might be. Stay tuned.
Oh and the backbend. Well… I have to say, not as awesome as earlier today. But I did feel I could breathe deeper and stay longer. So, there’s progress.
I will see you party people tomorrow.